This week I've felt all out of sorts.
It all started on Wednesday when I took a fall on some ice, outside the 6yr old's school. The earth literally went from under my feet, and I landed with an almighty walup on the floor. Much to my embarrassment a nice young man enquired if I was ok, or if I had hurt myself - did I need help in getting up? Oh no, I said, its just my pride that's bruised....
Except it wasn't. No my generously padded coccyx (backside) was also bruised. To the point it hurt to walk, sit down, and drive? I felt everyspeed bump & pot hole known to man was on the stretch of road I needed to drive on. There have been ooh's & aah's in the bedroon, not from passion, but from the pain in my derrier.
Even the small people realised it was bad, when I anounced that I could not bend down to unstack the dishwaher or move the laundry out of the washing machine, and that they would have to help.
I also had to tell them all at work, not to make me laugh, as it hurt my bum, and to say my patients found it amusing that I didn't know how to sit, is putting it mildly.
The weekend was quiet and simple. A steady pottering of housework for me, and glueing & creating with sparkles for her...
I watched as the 9 year old got into his grove with his new bike, practising for his next big race in 2 weeks time, then lovingly, with joy in my heart, washed his sweaty muddy lycra....
And found him practising for when he becomes a teenager....
In an attempt to cheer my backside up, I took it shopping. Chatsworth road is our main road between Chesterfield & Bakewell/Baslow in The Peak District. Over the past 18 months it has started to gain some lovely shops.
Lovely Shops = Lovely Things
Here's a sneaky peak inside Created....
I love Clare Gage ceramics, they are delightfully touchable with their textured surfaces, delicate forms, and would sit comfortably in an uber minimalist environment, or in a more homely one - such as ehemm..
Mine. ...
The use of fabric to provide texture would surely appeal to crafters & vintage/shabby alike? Thease were my two new purchases. Funded by my Birthday & Christmas pennies/pounds
And here they are, joining the others in their new home...
Whilst in Created the lady who runs the gallery (& whom happens to be Clares mum), gave me this -
Think I'll be checking it out, & I bet someone else not so far from me will be too (Diane)
Also on Chatsworth road is a new shop called Moo Moo (How funky is that name?) Of course, it would have been rude not to have a peek in it, and meet Moo Moo a tiny little-terrier-type-handbag-dog-not-in-the-least-bit-woofy...
And it would have been rude to have left this lovely twiggy wired heart - although I think G would have rather me been rude....
Whilst a lovely things shopping is nice, it didn't really cure the unsettledness. I have had this week off work, and as I have pottered around the house today I realised just how tired I am feeling, that sort of all encompassing physical & emotional tiredness that leaves you wanting to nap in the day, fall out with your own shadow, and feel overwhelmed with things.
I feel like I am going round in a cirlce. Never quite on top of things (laundry, housework, tidying, caseload etc). Clock watching, always needing more time as I dash to the next thing (pick up children, traffic etc). Wanting to have a little time for me in amongst being a wife, mother, daughter, nurse.
But the quite stillness of the house has also allowed me to think and reflect. I've had an extrodinary few months, we are still feeling the loss of G's mum, recovering from all that happened. I went back to work post bereavement, at an emotive time of year, to care for people in a similar situation to what I had just been in personaly.
There has been a lot of juggling - my case load at work, childcare, G travelling again, and its been all too much. I think the unsettledness is a nudge to guide my to think about what I am doing, trying to acheive. I know how precious life is, I spend my working days with those who face losing theirs, so I always try to be positive, grateful, thankful for all that I have.
However I've realised I need to look at my time - and how I use it. I need to learn to look after me, so I can continue to look after those I love & care for.
I need to stop stressing. Allow myself to stop trying to be 'perfect'. To enjoy the simplicity & beauty of light & shadows, spring on a snowy day....
And I don't think I am alone, I think that a lot of us can feel this way at times. And I think its ok to feel a bit pants too, so long as its not for too long.
I was listening to Woman's Hour a few weeks ago (yes, get me, cutting egde woman that I am!), and they were talking to the talented Ruthie Henshall. She said some lovely wise words "We spend our time, judging our insides, against the outsides of others". Thoughts to hold onto when I feel like I am drowning, rather than waving....
And finally - on a brighter Ta-Da! note to end.....
The winner of my First Birthday Giveaway is - Lisa at Jumble & Jelly - please pop across & meet her if you havent already - she has a lovely blog, 2 beautiful children & 2 cats. As well as a G like me....
Love Lydia xx
