Thursday, 11 February 2010


This week I've felt all out of sorts.

It all started on Wednesday when I took a fall on some ice, outside the 6yr old's school. The earth literally went from under my feet, and I landed with an almighty walup on the floor. Much to my embarrassment a nice young man enquired if I was ok, or if I had hurt myself - did I need help in getting up? Oh no, I said, its just my pride that's bruised....

Except it wasn't. No my generously padded coccyx (backside) was also bruised. To the point it hurt to walk, sit down, and drive? I felt everyspeed bump & pot hole known to man was on the stretch of road I needed to drive on. There have been ooh's & aah's in the bedroon, not from passion, but from the pain in my derrier.

Even the small people realised it was bad, when I anounced that I could not bend down to unstack the dishwaher or move the laundry out of the washing machine, and that they would have to help.

I also had to tell them all at work, not to make me laugh, as it hurt my bum, and to say my patients found it amusing that I didn't know how to sit, is putting it mildly.

The weekend was quiet and simple. A steady pottering of  housework for me, and glueing & creating with sparkles for her...

I watched as the 9 year old got into his grove with his new bike, practising for his next big race in 2 weeks time, then lovingly, with joy in my heart, washed his sweaty muddy lycra....

And found him practising for when he becomes a teenager....

In an attempt to cheer my backside up, I took it shopping. Chatsworth road is our main road between Chesterfield & Bakewell/Baslow in The Peak District. Over the past 18 months it has started to gain some lovely shops.

Lovely Shops = Lovely Things 

Here's a sneaky peak inside Created....

I love Clare Gage ceramics, they are delightfully touchable with their textured surfaces, delicate forms, and would sit comfortably in an uber minimalist environment, or in a more homely one - such as ehemm..

Mine. ...

The use of fabric to provide texture would surely appeal to crafters & vintage/shabby alike? Thease were my two new purchases. Funded by my Birthday & Christmas pennies/pounds 

And here they are, joining the others in their new home...

Whilst in Created the lady who runs the gallery (& whom happens to be Clares mum), gave me this -


Think I'll be checking it out, & I bet someone else not so far from me will be too (Diane) 

Also on Chatsworth road is a new shop called Moo Moo (How funky is that name?) Of course, it would have been rude not to have a peek in it, and meet Moo Moo a tiny little-terrier-type-handbag-dog-not-in-the-least-bit-woofy...

And it would have been rude to have left this lovely twiggy wired heart - although I think G would have rather me been rude....

Whilst a lovely things shopping is nice, it didn't really cure the unsettledness. I have had this week off work, and as I have pottered around the house today I realised just how tired I am feeling, that sort of all encompassing physical & emotional tiredness that leaves you wanting to nap in the day, fall out with your own shadow, and feel overwhelmed with things.

I feel like I am going round in a cirlce. Never quite on top of things (laundry, housework, tidying, caseload etc). Clock watching, always needing more time as I dash to the next thing (pick up children, traffic etc). Wanting to have a little time for me in amongst being a wife, mother, daughter, nurse.

But the quite stillness of the house has also allowed me to think and reflect. I've had an extrodinary few months, we are still feeling the loss of G's mum, recovering from all that happened. I went back to work post bereavement, at an emotive time of year, to care for people in a similar situation to what I had just been in personaly.  

There has been  a lot of juggling - my case load at work, childcare, G travelling again, and its been all too much. I think the unsettledness is a nudge to guide my to think about what I am doing, trying to acheive. I know how precious life is, I spend my working days with those who face losing theirs, so I always try to be positive, grateful, thankful for all that I have.

However I've realised I need to look at my time - and how I use it. I need to learn to look after me, so I can continue to look after those I love & care for.

I need to stop stressing. Allow myself to stop trying to be 'perfect'. To enjoy the simplicity & beauty of light & shadows, spring on a snowy day....

And I don't think I am alone, I think that a lot of us can feel this way at times. And I think its ok to feel a bit pants too, so long as its not for too long.

I was listening to Woman's Hour a few weeks ago (yes, get me, cutting egde woman that I am!), and they were talking to the talented Ruthie Henshall. She said some lovely wise words "We spend our time, judging our insides, against the outsides of others". Thoughts to hold onto when I feel like I am drowning, rather than waving....

And finally - on a brighter Ta-Da! note to end.....

The winner of my First Birthday Giveaway is - Lisa at Jumble & Jelly - please pop across & meet her if you havent already - she has a lovely blog, 2 beautiful children & 2 cats. As well as a G like me....

Love Lydia xx


  1. I too have a G!!! and you are right - I shall be checking it out! Looks like you are getting your own version of Ecclesall Road! - lucky you. I felt as if I was on a rollercoaster with you on this post. I think you do an amazing job, but I don't know how you do it with a family - no wonder you are worn out - poor love. Look after yourself and take care. Congrats to lovely Lisa too - another amazing lady. xxxxx

  2. Poor you, lots of sympathy and hugs being sent your way as I know how painful it is to hurt you coccyx. I fell down the stairs years ago but can still remember the pain even now.

    Love and ((hugs))
    Beki xxx

    p.s congrats to lucky winner

  3. Hi. What a thought provoking post. I have been having similar thoughts over the past month while my dad has been in hospital. I just wanted to make a suggestion regarding your poor tailbone as I had a dislocated tailbone (undiagnosed for months) after the difficult birth of my daughter. Drs and physios did not seem able to ease it but one visit to an excellent osteopath did the trick, so i strongly recommend that. Also, I used and still use a "coccyx cushion". I used it all the time at first but now just for driving. You can get them on the internet. The memory foam ones are best. I still remember the pain - a kind of sickening, toothachey feeling. You have my sympathy!

  4. lovely Post Lydia you have a such a nice way with words - and talking of words the quote from Ruthie Henshall is going to be something I try and keep with me to remind me we dont all have to be perfect and just trying our best is good enough sometimes :-) I think its maybe the time of year as well so hopefully the sunshine will put us all in a more upbeat mood ! those ceramics are GORGEOUS - very much to my taste I love them! wanted to ask you if you are near to Castleton at all? you must be of course but The Daughter is going on a residential trip there in April (her first time away from home eek!) and I wondered what you thought of it ? Lx (apols for essay!)

  5. Ohooo lydia sounds painful, yes do get it checked out won't you. I agree, a very thought provoking post, sending you a big hug.
    ((((( Lydia )))))

    I agree life wizzes by and sometimes we are left spining and don't know which direction to take, I know I am yet to work out what I want, where my path is yet to lead me, but then isn't that life's great mystery, not really knowing, it takes us where it takes us.

    * waving * at you and cyber love sent your merry way :0)



  6. Oh dear Lydia, sounds like a really rotten time for you too! Your post certainly rang some bells, and I couldn't agree with you more - we all do feel like it at times, but we need to learn from it and accept that life just isn't perfect no matter how hard we try.
    Virtual hugs straight back to you! Thanks for your advice - I'm going to look into it.

  7. Firsty thank you and woohoo for me winning your giveaway! It's the first I've ever won! You really made me day when I read that as I've developed a yucky sore throat and am feeling a bit low and worn out with it!!
    Secondly, a big hug for you. Life really sends us in a spin sometimes and it's so hard knowing what the right balance is, we're all different. Losing someone so close and dear does put a whole new perspective one things doesn't it. That's why I wanted to just go back to work 2 days a week and was lucky enough to be able to.
    I hope you are finding it easier to sit down and more around this week and that you'll work through all your thoughts and musings and get to the decision that is right for you.
    Take care
    p.s email is

  8. Hi Lydia, you poor thing! I've been going round the house in exactly the same sort of state today - been ill for ages, feeling a bit better but not totally, want to do houework, need to rest, should do paperwork but can't stand the idea! So I do know a bit how you feel, I guess.

    The thoughts you've been having remind me of a book I'm following, recommended by another blogger - Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Brethach (possibly spelt her name wrong there!) It think that it has bits which are very helpful for going in the kind of direction you are hoping for, and other bits which make me snicker a bit but can presumambly be ignored! It's easy to pick up second hand on Amazon and might just be useful.

    Get well soon, behind and soul!

  9. Ooooh Painful! A broken Coccyx happend to me too a few years ago and Im sorry to inform you but it will more than likely cause you pain for some time. If I sit for long periods of time even now I feel it!.........I do find though that shppoing is a definate cure for all, so very wise of you!
    Get some rest and take care

  10. Hello :)

    I wanted to send you a hug, well a virtual one at any rate, I empathise with you - so many feelings and emotions to deal with, along with the daily stuff can leave us frazzled and exhausted. I hope you are soon feeling better, take each day as it comes and ignore the dust bunnies that may be dancing under your table if it means taking a few minutes to do something pleasureable instead of chore-based!
    I like the look of your ceramics by the way, what a talented lady, and I may have to discover this wonderful shop for myself someday!

    Sending love, take care of you
    Julia x x x

  11. Ooh,another follower how exciting!Thankyou.
    Reading through your blog,you sound like a lovely lady...a good wife and Mum.
    Ouch!..sorry you had a fall on the ice,how painful,no wonder things are getting a bit on top of you at the moment.
    I have just purchased some 'Get-a-grips' which you put on the bottom of your shoes to prevent you falling on the ice.Am waiting for the next lot of snow...but we probably won't get any now I'm well prepared!

    Bellaboo :)

  12. 'oh dear' I do hope you heal soon though nice young man to scoop me up - I think I might fake a fall for that.....not the bruised bum though!!

  13. hello again

    Just wanted to thank you for the lovely comment you left me today, and that it all sounds rather interesting and will be something I will be investigating further methinks, once these naughty little girls have made their journey south!

    Much love
    Julia x x x

  14. How amazing you put into words exactly how I have been feeling exactly. It bought tears to my eyes but I felt more positive than I have for a while. Thank-you I shall go to work with a lighter heart not only because it is the end of the working week. I hope the you know what feels better.

  15. And that is exactly why I packed in my pub job and decided to take some time out for me, for my girls and for my life. So much had been going on and I'd been frantic to keep everything the same for everyone else that I forgot all about me. Nothing has to be perfect hon, all it has to be is our best. I like that quote you mention, all to often we think we are failing and everyone else just sails through life so easily. All the time though they are having their own internal battles and feelings of failure.

    As for your bottom...ouchie!!! I fell down the stairs some 8 years ago and cracked my coccyx. Bloody agony!

    ((((big hugs))))